Escape plan

It's been two years since my world started to crumble. And as much as I've been trying to rebuild it, I know new storms are on their way, and I know I'm still too weak to cope. I thought that, if I could go through that, I could go through anything. I thought I had learned my lesson.

Turns out I'm getting sick again and it doesn't matter how hard I try, I will never get rid of this. It's ironically similar to cancer; everytime I think I'm doing better, it's back, and the only way I know how to deal with it is by cutting it off. But, ultimately, I feel as if I'm bound to lose this war. Just like they did.

I'm not leaving this world yet. I'm fighting once again. I just don't know how many cycles I can endure. I'm tired and I wanna go Home. I don't wanna hurt anymore.

Let me down slowly, let me down slowly
Fragile mind will break into a thousand parts
After all this time still running from the same things
It feels like all my life I'm running from the same things
I put it all on the line, would you be my escape plan?

Growing on You

It is happening again. It's like I'm stuck in a loop I'll never get out of, no matter how hard I try. But, at least for now, I know it is an illusion — I'm worshipping a golden calf. It's just that I'm tired and I wanna go Home.

Knowing its true nature is not solving the problem, knowing illusions are bound to manifest themselves is no immunity, knowing you mustn't fall for it doesn't mean you won't. And, most importantly, knowing that it is possible to live without it doesn't mean you ever will.

It's both a blessing and a curse in the end. It's not going to go away — it will keep on growing and repeating itself, it will keep on expanding and creating new illusions, and at the end of the day all I have to do is get through it.

I just wish I didn't. Why do I have to get through it? Why can't I just go Home? Can someone please just help me make it Home?

God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.